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eh okay so like this could be my last entry until whenever i get my net back.

sorry for not updating.. but then again, who reads this anyway? X_x

anyway... yeah my mum already cut the net.. like 2 months ago, and the contract ends today.. so this is my last day on the net. i bought a prepaid internet card thing but then mum also told me that shes gonna take my modem away from me as well. blah >.< i cant even describe how painful it is watching the day turn into night, knowing that i will no longer enjoy cyberspace until who knows when.

and yeah.. contact with kan will dramatically minimize since we cant always call each other and stuff.. >.< i usually call her at 2 am my time, which is 9 am her time.. and what if i call and she has stuff to do and cant be there? we both cant even do like what 1 hour without not talking to each other.. let alone like a whole day not knowing how they are and what they been up to and if they were okay and safe..

also with the net, it helps make us "seem" a little closer than we actually are. without it, the distance is gonna be extra extra hard.. dealing with the everyday stresses of life and all that stuff.. and not being able to tell her when you get home.

sigh. i dont know when this will end.
also with her getting here doesnt seem to be working very well because of money problems, paying uni fees upfront and stuff like.. and my friends act as if its so easy for her just to get here.. shes fucking ditching her family and shit for me man, give her some fucking credit. gosh everytime i talk to them its as if i have to tell them im sorry im in love with a GIRL from OVERSEAS..
first my friends sound all cool about it, then as it drags longer and stuff they just i dunno i guess got sick of waiting too? and maybe got sick of me complaining about how much i miss her and stuff.. gosh.. i just feel like i got the biggest stabbing at the back.. and it hurts me because she's all cut up about it as well.. >.< i just can't believe this is happening.. its already so hard with the distance, and the last thing i need is them telling me to see the reality of things.. just let me live in my own little fantasy please.. because my reality isnt like your reality where everything is provided for, and your family isnt so fucked up like mine, and you dont have money problems or anything.. leave me alone.. you dont understand me.

so whats next on the agenda.. hmm.. bah i dont know. i just cant seem to live a normal life anymore.. not until kan gets here.. >.< my life is on pause.. seriously.. i plan everything.. like i dun wanan go out and spend all my money on like clubbing or clothes or useless shit because i wanna save it so i can spend it with her or on her.. yeah i love her a lot.. too much.. but thats a good thing =D. but then.. what happens.. she tells me that she probably cant make it here by december like she said so.. and gosh that was like a kick in the gut.. first.. when we just got together, she said she'll probably come at like july was it? then i think it got postponed again to some other month, then december.. X_x
shes still working on it tho.. so not all hope is lost... though, its kinda hard to be optimistic.. =

i just have this gut feeling that our relationship might go bad because of me not being able to go on the net anymore.. i can only go on at college for like 30 to 45 minutes.. 2 days a week. thats not enough. i can call her, but how would i know whats happening for her that day?

sigh. i guess this is goodbye then.
until then...
see ya later?

god i hope so.

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who am i? name: katie age: 18 d.o.b: 05/02/86 breed: asian; chinese where: sydney, australia <3: kan, net, music, ragnarok online, winamp >=: annoying retards, public transport, people that nag a lot (my mum), working, complicated situations music: chill out, alt. rock, rock, rnb, hiphop, trance, breakbeat do you suck?: no, i lick.. XD ...more? randoms time always reveals the lonely light of morning the wound that would not heal it's the bitter taste of losing everything that I have held so dear. - sarah mclachlan - fallen playlist three days grace - just like you maroon 5 - she will be loved eskimo joe - from the sea avril lavigne - nobody's home (live acoustic) muse - time is running out yeah yeah yeahs - maps sugarcult - memory keane - somewhere only we know new found glory - all downhill from here flood me kan recent entries fuck humanity. possession!! i want you now. ... wtf??	i want you now. Tuesday, August 17, 2004 eh okay so like this could be my last entry until whenever i get my net back. sorry for not updating.. but then again, who reads this anyway? X_x anyway... yeah my mum already cut the net.. like 2 months ago, and the contract ends today.. so this is my last day on the net. i bought a prepaid internet card thing but then mum also told me that shes gonna take my modem away from me as well. blah >.< i cant even describe how painful it is watching the day turn into night, knowing that i will no longer enjoy cyberspace until who knows when. and yeah.. contact with kan will dramatically minimize since we cant always call each other and stuff.. >.< i usually call her at 2 am my time, which is 9 am her time.. and what if i call and she has stuff to do and cant be there? we both cant even do like what 1 hour without not talking to each other.. let alone like a whole day not knowing how they are and what they been up to and if they were okay and safe.. also with the net, it helps make us "seem" a little closer than we actually are. without it, the distance is gonna be extra extra hard.. dealing with the everyday stresses of life and all that stuff.. and not being able to tell her when you get home. sigh. i dont know when this will end. also with her getting here doesnt seem to be working very well because of money problems, paying uni fees upfront and stuff like.. and my friends act as if its so easy for her just to get here.. shes fucking ditching her family and shit for me man, give her some fucking credit. gosh everytime i talk to them its as if i have to tell them im sorry im in love with a GIRL from OVERSEAS.. first my friends sound all cool about it, then as it drags longer and stuff they just i dunno i guess got sick of waiting too? and maybe got sick of me complaining about how much i miss her and stuff.. gosh.. i just feel like i got the biggest stabbing at the back.. and it hurts me because she's all cut up about it as well.. >.< i just can't believe this is happening.. its already so hard with the distance, and the last thing i need is them telling me to see the reality of things.. just let me live in my own little fantasy please.. because my reality isnt like your reality where everything is provided for, and your family isnt so fucked up like mine, and you dont have money problems or anything.. leave me alone.. you dont understand me. so whats next on the agenda.. hmm.. bah i dont know. i just cant seem to live a normal life anymore.. not until kan gets here.. >.< my life is on pause.. seriously.. i plan everything.. like i dun wanan go out and spend all my money on like clubbing or clothes or useless shit because i wanna save it so i can spend it with her or on her.. yeah i love her a lot.. too much.. but thats a good thing =D. but then.. what happens.. she tells me that she probably cant make it here by december like she said so.. and gosh that was like a kick in the gut.. first.. when we just got together, she said she'll probably come at like july was it? then i think it got postponed again to some other month, then december.. X_x shes still working on it tho.. so not all hope is lost... though, its kinda hard to be optimistic.. = i just have this gut feeling that our relationship might go bad because of me not being able to go on the net anymore.. i can only go on at college for like 30 to 45 minutes.. 2 days a week. thats not enough. i can call her, but how would i know whats happening for her that day? sigh. i guess this is goodbye then. until then... see ya later? god i hope so. 0 Comments. Name. URL. [to enter your email, use "mailto:youremail@domain.com"] Subject. Comment. Word verification. Copy the first 4 characters only. If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.